[940703AS.TXT]

[Ann Swann]
Something my therapist said to me on the subject has really stuck in my
mind: she said that, "Steve will always be Meredith's birth father;
Greg will always be her real father - and that's her truth, that's her
story."  No matter what happens in the future, nothing can change that,
for Meri, Greg is her father.  And as *much* as I wish I could give
back to you what I took from you, the chance to be Meri's father (and
you will NEVER, *EVER* know how *much* I wish that), I can't (at least
without tearing my daughter apart, and of course I won't do that).  

Greg fully believes that the only important connection between a parent
and a child is the one built through the years of their relationship. 
I certainly agree that it is primary, but it is not the only one.  I
can't know what will be important for Meredith, can't assume that what
is important to Greg will be so for her, as well.



[940710SW.TXT]

[Ann Swann]
>Something my therapist said to me on the subject has really stuck in my
>mind: she said that, "Steve will always be Meredith's birth father; Greg
>will always be her real father - and that's her truth, that's her story." 
>No matter what happens in the future, nothing can change that, for Meri,
>Greg is her father.  And as *much* as I wish I could give back to you what
>I took from you, the chance to be Meri's father (and you will NEVER, *EVER* 
>know how *much* I wish that), I can't (at least without tearing my daughter 
>apart, and of course I won't do that).  

[Steve Wright]
Oh, darling, I'm sorry.  Of course you can't; I only wish you didn't have
that dilemma in your life.  Greg loved her and connected with her and was
there for her.  I've spent more time than you can imagine, wondering about
how and where and if I might meet Meredith as her birth father.  Even if
there is ever a time when I will also be a step-father, I *know* that Greg 
will *always* be her father, and that she will *always* need him as her
daddy.



[941114AS.TXT]

[Steve Wright]
>>Something else that I've been experiencing: I deeply invested myself
>>in my second (my "own", I started to say) family and child, trying to
>>give to Lucinda and Mimi everything I hadn't been allowed to give you
>>and Meri. And I came to feel that attention to Meri (and implicitly
>>you) was disloyal to Mimi (and implicitly Lucinda).

[Ann Swann]
I certainly understand this.  I've told you how much I've admired the
ways in which I felt that you *did* preserve the boundaries between our
families. And I guess I was frightened of blurring those boundaries,
myself, so I *didn't* mention to you my disappointment over this sooner
(although I wasn't really comfortable talking with you in those early
years, myself). And, of course, another issue has been (and still is)
my own sense of loyalty to Greg as Meri's father - as the man who has
given *so* much to her and to me on her behalf.  This is still a
terrible dilemma for me, that one part of me *never* wants him to feel
that I regret making him Meri's father, while another part of me
*deeply* regrets the choice I made.  But he's been a good and loving
father who has *completely* taken responsibility for her, and who has
*never* wavered in that commitment - even when another man might
have....



[941128AS.TXT]

[Ann Swann]

I will always love this man, Steve.  He stood by me the best way he knew how
when I was pregnant, when my mom died, through all the stuff I've gone
through all these years.  He is a good man.  He's given me all he could.
He's been a good and loving father to the kids.  He hasn't been all I wanted,
but he *has* given me a *lot.*  He gave me the freedom to be home with my
children, to be able to greet every single day of the last almost-six years
with the knowledge that I didn't have to leave them in someone else's care.
He's worked like a dog to do it.  Whatever imperfections he has, I can*not*
let myself get caught up in a bitterness that will poison me and my kids.




From: AnnSwann@[FILE SERVER OMITTED].com
Date: Fri, 27 Oct 1995 04:40:49 -0400
To: gswann@primenet.com
cc: AnnSwann@[FILE SERVER OMITTED].com
Subject: "Bug Jail" and Other Issues

[....]

I think *you* might have [mis]understood what [Dr. Kigin] said to *you.*
First, she has affirmed to both me and Steve that (between the two of
you) Meri's *relationship* with you is the primary one (no surprise;
that's the way it should be).  That is *not* the same thing as saying
that, at any given moment, "time with you is of a higher priority for
Meri than is time with Steve,"  or "time with Steve is of *no*
priority."