A Ramblin' Gamblin' Willie story by Greg Swann
DESTINY BLAZE--tall, curvaceous, auburn hair, enormous cat-like green eyes--bursts into view, panting but composed.
Undercover DESTINY makes major buy from WEAPONS DEALERS (short, pudgy, Middle Eastern, overdressed).
She looks straight at the camera and winks, confident and wry but still a little vulnerable. Freeze frame.
I found a sheaf of these memos wedged between booths in a grimy little
deli. Who knows how long they'd been there. I plan on publishing them
sporadically, just to see if we can goad the author into claiming his
ignominious intellectual offsping. If not, we can at least be grateful
that the [name omitted] network has not yet plumbed these depths of
depravity. Of course, the day's not over yet...
FROM: [Name omitted], Affiliated Subcontractor
RE: Preliminary proposal for "Destiny Blaze"
Taking account of our meeting Thursday, I am preparing a number of programming proposals for the [name omitted] network. As discussed, the proposals are written in the form of shooting scripts for promotional spots, reflecting your theory that a finished commercial is sufficient to convey to affiliates and advertisers the look and feel of the proposed production. As instructed, all programming proposals will be targeted at sub-literate post-teenagers who have substantial free time, substantial discretionary spending power and an immense appetite for malt beverages. It remains unclear to me in what way this will distinguish the [name omitted] network from all the other networks.
The project presented here, "Destiny Blaze", is an action-adventure detective series that is long on action and adventure and short on detection, intrigue and dialogue. This will accommodate the presumed limited attention span of the targeted domestic audience, and it will have a substantial positive impact on the cost of distribution into non-English-speaking markets.
VISUAL: Very, very tight shot of an old-fashioned Royal typewriter. The hammer jumps out (SOUND EFFECT) WHAM!, jumps back, revealing the letter "D".
VISUAL: A car explodes.
VISUAL: Typewriter with SOUND EFFECT: "E".
VISUAL: Extremely brief gun battle. The BAD GUYS race around the corner. DESTINY BLAZE--tall, curvaceous, auburn hair, enormous cat-like green eyes--bursts into view, panting but composed. She is holding an immense 9mm semi-automatic handgun in both hands. In a perfect shooting-range pose, she sweeps the area looking down her gunsight.
VISUAL: Typewriter with SOUND EFFECT: "S".
VISUAL: Chase-scene gun battle, with DESTINY driving a non-descript stake-out van and hanging out the window shooting at the BAD GUYS.
VISUAL: Typewriter with SOUND EFFECT: "T".
VISUAL: Gun battle in darkened warehouse. DESTINY fires, turns, fires, turns, fires.
VISUAL: Typewriter with SOUND EFFECT: "I".
VISUAL: Stand-off on a crowded bus, mid-day. DESTINY holds her gun to the head of HOSTAGE-TAKER (caucasian male, non-descript, crazed) who in turn holds his gun to the head of terrified HOSTAGE BUS DRIVER (black male, middle-aged, overweight, balding), who in turn continues to drive wildly careening bus.
VISUAL: Typewriter with SOUND EFFECT: "N".
VISUAL: Undercover DESTINY makes major buy from WEAPONS DEALERS (short, pudgy, Middle Eastern, overdressed). Suspicions flare. DESTINY fires, turns, fires, turns, fires.
VISUAL: Typewriter with SOUND EFFECT: "Y".
VISUAL: Tight shot of typewritten word "DESTINY", top. Emerging in flaming slanted letters, bottom, large: "BLAZE".
VOICE OVER: (basso profundo with echo throughout): Destiny Blaze is...
VISUAL: Dockside, a pleasure boat blows up. Nearby boats blow up in domino sequence. A fuel tank at the shore end of the dock blows up, causing cars parked nearby to blow up. These in turn cause the dockside warehouse to explode. This sequence of explosions takes three or at most four seconds, culminating in:
VOICE OVER: Fate's inferno! (Echo fades to silence over flaming visual.)
VISUAL: DESTINY doing Hollywood Karate on a swarming gang of BAD GUYS, small, lithe, multi-ethnic. The BAD GUYS should flip head-over-heels like a trained dog act on the Ed Sullivan Show.
VOICE OVER: She tough!
VISUAL: Mid-shot of bank vault door. The camera is pointed straight at it. BAD GUYS (black slacks, black sweaters, black knit watch caps) place dynamite charge, scurry away quickly. Bomb explodes. Vault door begins to swing open in the clearing smoke. BAD GUYS sneak toward it. Door swings fully open to reveal DESTINY already inside vault, pointing her immense 9mm semi-automatic handgun straight at the camera.
VOICE OVER: She's smart!
VISUAL: DESTINY emerges from the back of a black limo. Her hair is up, elegantly, and she wears a diamond tiara, diamond earrings and a stunning diamond neck-piece. Her skin is tanned to a glowing, golden brown and she is dressed in a sleeveless, strapless, ankle-length white silk gown, form-fitting. There should not be a single trace of evidence of undergarments anywhere. Chin high, shoulders back, she looks directly into the camera.
MUSIC OVER: Sultry saxophone throughout visual.
VOICE OVER: And she's free... for dinner...
VISUAL SEQUENCE: Rapid-fire montage of explosions, gun-battles, cars screeching through 180-degree turns, PEOPLE jumping from roof-top to roof-top, more explosions, more gun battles, more flashes of chase scenes (all possibly using STOCK FOOTAGE), finally culminating in:
VISUAL: DESTINY bursts out of the roof-top door of a red brick warehouse. It is early morning, and it's cold enough that we can see the vapor of her breath. She wears a navy blue nylon "POLICE" jacket, open, and a white knit turtleneck sweater, tight. She is panting from running up the stairs and her chest heaves rhythmically. Quickly, she looks left, right, straight at the camera. She raises her immense 9mm semi-automatic handgun and fires straight at the camera.
VISUAL EFFECT: Screen is consumed from center to edges in a raging ball of flame emerging from the muzzle of the gun.
VOICE OVER VISUAL EFFECT: Fate's inferno is...
VISUAL: On a white screen, typewriter-style letters appear one at a time, accompanied by SOUND EFFECT of semi-automatic weapons fire. One letter per gun-shot appears: "DESTINY". Accompanied by SOUND EFFECT of fully-automatic weapons fire, the letters of the word "BLAZE" emerge in flaming slanted letters, bottom, large, one letter per gun-shot.
VOICE OVER (after echo of gun-shots fades): Destiny. Blaze.
VISUAL: Explosions blast out every window and door of the ground floor of a small building. Explosions spread rapidly, floor-by-floor, until the entire building is engulfed by flames. DESTINY hurls herself out of a top-floor window just as the roof itself erupts in an explosion. She lands cat-like in the streets and scans the area, looking down the sights of her immense 9mm semi-automatic handgun. She looks straight at the camera and winks, confident and wry but still a little vulnerable. Freeze frame.
VOICE OVER: She's... HOT!