Sender: "AnnSwann" <AnnSwann@[FILE SERVER OMITTED].com>
Message-Id: <9406290343.tn154758@[FILE SERVER OMITTED].com>
To: wright@apollo.hp.com
Date: Wed, 29 Jun 94 03:43:03 EDT
Subject: From A Distance

>>This worries me; are you afraid of him becoming violent?  (I also just
>>got your email this morning; how did it actually work out?)
>>...
>>Except for the last message about the fat lady not singing.  How did
>>that go?  I know Greg is going back to counseling with you, but how do
>>you feel about that, where it's going?  I guess I'm still worried about
>>possibilities of violence, or of his trying to take the children, or
>>of his just cutting loose and walking out on all of you.  (Like I said,
>>I really don't know him, can't guess what he might do.)

*NO.*  Greg has never been *remotely* violent with either me or the kids; in
fact, it is something which he deeply abhors.  Likewise, he'd *never* walk
out on us; this, in fact, was something which played deeply into my decision
to marry him.  For Greg, his word is his life - and he gave his word to me,
and to the kids (in bringing them into the world).  He'd hang on until he
died.

As for his taking the kids, I don't believe that he would (although he did
threaten during our conflagration yesterday to contest me for custody).  We
have talked enough along the way about such situations (like when we watched
a John Stossel report a few years back on joint custody) for me to know how
he feels about it.  I believe that, if he truly felt I was unfit for some
reason, that he would feel compelled to take the kids (and I would want him
to, if I were).  Certainly, he would *want* the kids - but he believes that
it would be in their best interests to be in one home, and that I'd do better
by them in the caretaking department (as I always have).


["MaRandolph" is a pseudonym for my wife's paramour.]


Subj:	Staying Connected
Date:	94-07-24 15:10:00 EDT
From:	AnnSwann
To:	MaRandolph

And back to some nasty stuff:

>>Hmmm?  So is this a way of sabotaging your meetings?  Or does he have
>>"business" of his own to attend to?  I suppose that would be too much to
>>hope for <g> -- but seriously, how would *you* feel about that?  (I mean,
>>apart from defusing some of the anger issues on his side, it's still a
>>horrible mess for the children?)

Ah, ok: I got pretty angry when I read this last night, but I'm realizing now
that these comments actually might be a result of you misinterpreting what I
was saying (*damn* this limiting form of communication!) .  Did you take my
"hmm" to mean that *I* was suggesting that Greg was possibly having an
affair?  

1) (Flatly)  It's not happening.

2) How would *you* feel, after enduring what you've endured in your own
marriage to Lucinda, trying to hang in and find a way through all the
barriers to a real connection, if you found that she was going *elsewhere*
for that connection?  If you can picture what that would be like for you,
then you'd know a large part of what I'd be feeling.  The other part would be
astonishment, as if the sun suddenly decided to rise in the west and set in
the east.  For Greg, "his word is his bond," and it would be completely out
of character for him (at least as I know it) for him to betray our marriage
in this way.